When your child comes out, a thousand thoughts and emotions flood your mind at once. As parent, that is a Follower of Christ, these feelings can be especially complex – you’re caught between unconditional love for your child and deeply held religious beliefs. In December 2017, I found myself in exactly this position when my son told his mother and me that he was gay.
I spent weeks praying, researching, and struggling to find the right words to express everything in my heart. Eventually, I wrote him a letter. I’ve hesitated to share it publicly, but after much reflection, current events, and my son disowning me, I’ve decided to do so in hopes that it might help other parents wrestling with similar circumstances.
The letter that follows is deeply personal, reflecting my own journey of faith, my interpretation of Scripture, and my ongoing effort to balance religious conviction with parental love. While others may reach different conclusions, I share this as one father’s honest attempt to navigate what was and is, for our family, uncharted waters.
A letter to my son, I will always LOVE you!!!
Lord, please open Brian’s heart and mind as he reads this letter. Please let his mind interpret the words in this letter the way you and I intended them and let his heart know all these words come from LOVE.
It’s hard to know where to begin a letter such as this. I have been researching, reading, and praying for the wisdom and the right words to communicate with you. I apologize now if this letter is in anyway hurtful to you and for the rambling way it is written. It is not my intention to hurt you, but the Lord has put it on my heart to write this letter in response to the letter you wrote us and the conversations we have had since.
Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is “a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.” I’ve tried to keep silent while letting you speak. I’ve listened to your beliefs, your decision, your desires, and your reasoning. I’ve tried to walk a mile in your shoes and understand how you feel. I now ask that you return the favor and walk with me as I try to make sense of all that’s in my heart and mind. By coming out, you’ve asked for honesty in our relationship, even if it means painful honesty. In the spirit of such honesty, it makes no sense for me to pretend your coming out of the closet was anything but devastating to me. And yet I know, and will never forget, how hard it must have been for you to admit to us your same sex attractions. You knew we didn’t want to hear it, yet you had the courage to admit it to us. And yes, I do recognize the courage involved, and the integrity as well.
Just because we disagree on homosexuality, it doesn’t mean we can’t find common ground in other areas. We can both appreciate honesty; we both know it’s better to be open about your life than to pretend. I hope that we both value an open and honest conversation. For that reason, I thank you for telling me. Yes, it crushed me. Still, I recognize you were respecting us, and certainly trusting us, when you admitted to us you had same-sex attractions and have acted on them. If I haven’t thanked you for this before, let me thank you now. Thank you for daring to believe enough in us to let us in on your life. And I’ll not return your honesty with anything less on my part.
Your announcement was a death sentence in many ways. So many of my dreams for you died upon hearing those words. The children I imagined you having, the marriage I thought you would have, the way of life I thought you were committed to; all flashed through my mind, then expired horribly when I considered what the phrase “I’m gay” really meant. You haven’t died of course, nor has our relationship or the love we’ll always share. But those dreams have died, and what can I do but grieve them? They’ve been a precious part of my expectations for you for so many years. So please hear my pain, even if you think it’s groundless, because it’s now so much a part of me that you can’t recognize me without recognizing it as well. If my reactions when you first told me that you had same-sex attractions hurt you, I not only ask your forgiveness, but I ask for a bit of understanding as well. No one lets go of their expectations easily, so when I found out you had same-sex attractions and had acted on them, my expectations, like my dreams, DIED.
I was and I am still shocked that you have decided that homosexuality is something that God is okay with and that God sees it as “NORMAL”. I accept that I did not teach you and Megan the Bible, “WORD OF GOD”. I can only think that if I had you would know without a doubt what the Bible truly says about same-sex relations. There is no way you could believe same-sex relations to be right and normal in the eyes of God. You would know that same-sex relations is a SIN in God’s eyes and that through Satan the LGTB community has tried to pervert God’s WORD. I can say this with the knowledge that I had started to see same-sex attractions with the eyes of this world and not through the eyes of God. Once I started reading the Bible, it was clear to me how God feels about same-sex relations or homosexuality in today’s vocabulary.
I have asked God why more times than I can count and I feel his response to me has been Romans 2:21 “For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.” I can’t be mad at God when I was a complete failure to show you how to follow God’s Word. I should have read and studied the Bible with you. I pray that you will get lost in the Bible each and every day. Instead, I cried out for “me” time to do what I wanted to do. I followed the ways of the world and not the ways of God. Instead of spending time with you, I chased my selfish desires. I was not a follower of Christ. How could I have been with all the sins I was drowning in?
I have to thank you for your words, “YOU TOO ARE A SINNER.” Those words got me thinking and in my arrogance, I challenged God to show me my SIN’s. Looking back now, I can only think that God laughed and said out loud for all of heaven to hear, “Challenge Accepted”. He sent the Holy Spirit to enter my heart and open my eyes. It was more than I could handle. I literally thought I was going to die as I lay on the bedroom floor having the worst panic attack of my life. After that day, I have prayed every day, studied the Bible everyday, and feel closer to God than I ever have. I owe the start of all that to your words, “YOU TOO ARE A SINNER.” I do not know if those words were said in hate, love, or something else and the truth is I don’t care. Those words have helped to change me from someone that said they were a Christian to a person that is now following Christ. I want you to know that the words THANK YOU can not even begin to express to you my gratitude, because those words have changed my life forever.
I pray that each person living like I was living will feel the shame and weight of all their sins and on that day turn to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness and have oneness with him. It is a feeling that I can not describe. I can tell you that it will change you forever. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I have said the Prayer of Salvation several times throughout my life; once during a FCA meeting when I was in junior high school, a few times in college, and then again after I was married and was baptized by immersion. I can’t tell you exactly why I have kept asking for salvation. I know that it is a gift that cannot be returned once received. My best guest is that because of my sinful life the Holy Spirit was nagging at me and the fear that when I meet Jesus he would say to me what he said to others in Matthew 7:23 “Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!” You were correct in pointing out that I was living in SIN. I strongly believe that too many people are like I was and call themselves Christian but continue to walk a SINFUL life. I fear that may be you. Many so called Christians, myself included do not do as Jesus commanded in Luke 9:23 “Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Because of your words, I now know without a doubt that I am saved, that I must follow Christ daily, and because we are all born into a world full of sin, it will be a battle for me each and every day. Again I want to say, THANK YOU.
The majority of my words and/or actions in the past have not honored God; in fact they were selfish, self-centered, and many times cruel to others. I was not an example of what a follower of Christ should be; however, I’m convinced you’re utterly wrong about homosexuality. God sees it as a SIN. It is written in the Bible. Regardless of your belief that same-sex attraction is not a SIN, I will try my best to treat you with respect and consideration. I will not lie to you and say it will not be difficult for me, but with God’s grace I know I can. So whenever I fail to show you that, I apologize now. And please understand this: The depth of my feelings only show how deep my love is for you. After all, if you didn’t mean so much to me, your announcement wouldn’t have meant that much either. But I’ve thought your announcement over. I’ve considered what you’ve told me about your life so far; how you prayed for God to change you but he didn’t; how you feel you’ve finally found yourself; and how you don’t accept homosexuality as a SIN before God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I have considered all this, I’d like to respond.
It is difficult for me to believe you when you say you feel you have always been gay, but they are your feelings and not mine. We can argue all we like about scientific studies and what they do or don’t prove, or the girls that you liked when you were younger that did not return those feelings to you, but no one can argue with your experience. So if you say you’ve felt this way from early in life, I will take you at your word. But even if that were so—and I’m not saying it is—does it really matter? When did you decide that just because something is inborn, it must therefore be normal? Aren’t we all born with imperfections of some sort? And for that matter, how is it you decide what is or is not normal or moral? I pray that you take your cues on morality from the Bible; however, it seems to me that you are looking more to subjective experience, your it feels good so it must be okay, and/or other sinners in the LGBT community when making your ethical choices and deciding God does not see homosexually as a SIN. I pray that you read the Bible and talk to others who truly follow Christ about how you are sinning with same-sex attraction. I pray you don’t listen to people that call themselves Christians; yet follow their own sinful path and not Jesus for Satan does not always try to ruin faith by saying, “The Bible isn’t true.” He often tries to destroy our faith by affirming some passage and using it to lead us into disobedience.
You seem to say, “If something seems natural to me, it is therefore natural. If I can’t change my desires, I must therefore legitimize them. And I am the final authority on what is or is not right for me, so long as I do no verifiable damage to another.” And let me tell you plainly, that scares me. It scares me because, although you say you’re becoming more like your true self, I see you instead becoming a god to yourself. I used to joke about the church of me. It was because I was embracing this world and becoming a god to myself. I now understand how wrong I was and that I was not following Christ even though I called myself a Christian. I see you following the same ignorant path I followed and establishing right or wrong based on your subjective experience and not the WORD OF GOD; you say that if you can’t change, you must accept rather than deny your true feelings; and you say (or seem to say) that self-acceptance overrides everything else. Google “How I overcame same sex attraction” and you will see you are not alone. Many struggle with same-sex attraction, yet CHOOSE not to act on it. It is your choice to SIN or not to SIN. It will be you and you alone that face Jesus for your SINs; whether you think they are a Sin or not. It is what God and Jesus say in the Bible that matters.
I thought you believed obedience to God meant more than self-acceptance, and that what was right or wrong was determined by God’s Word rather than your personal feelings and experience. I would love to discuss with you when and how your thinking changed? I sadly admit that many Christians don’t handle the subject of same-sex attraction well. I’m so sorry for whatever cruel or thoughtless things anyone has ever said or done to you. I’m sorry that when you struggled with this privately, you didn’t feel you could talk to me or Mom. Believe me, had either of us known you needed us, we would have been there for you. But how could we have guessed what you were going through? In that sense, I suppose we ALL have suffered.
Please do not think that all Christians are unreasonable, just because of the wrongness of some in the way they have treated the LGBT community! In all fairness, those of us who believe homosexuality is wrong hold that belief not out of some prejudice or hate but out of a serious reflection on what the Bible says about God’s intentions for humanity. So if you choose to continue sinning in this way please do not write us off because of our beliefs. Most followers of Christ, after all, know the difference between acceptance and approval. We can accept each other freely even if we don’t approve of everything the other does. So even as we accept you, joyfully and fully as someone we love and hold dear, we can’t accept much of your reasoning or the fact that you are laying with another man in sin.
You say God let you down when He refused to take away your same-sex desires, so instead you decided God must approve of the very feelings you were trying to get Him to remove. If I lived my life today by that standard, I can honestly say, “I’d still be looking at porn because, since God never took away my desire for pornograpy, He must either be unreasonable—or maybe He wants me to masterbate to images on the computer screen and commit adultery!” I’d be blaming God for me being fat since he did not take away my desire to overeat or eat unhealthy food. God does not force food into my mouth, it is my sinful self that eats what I shouldn’t.
I am sorry if I sound sarcastic, but will you grant me this at least? Please reconsider your expectations of Christianity. Christianity is not a system put together to make us feel good about ourselves or to help us find happiness and self-acceptance in this life. It’s about believing in Jesus and, having believed, following Him; to DIE for HIM. Did you really think following someone who died sacrificially would require anything less than sacrifice from you? My greatest fear for you, at this point, isn’t generated by your feelings of same-sex attraction. It is generated instead by your belief that life is about fulfillment rather than obedience. And I truly believe that it is a self-contradicting irony that offers neither fulfillment nor obedience. I know you may be reading this and think I am the pot calling the kettle black. And I will be the first to admit that I myself have not followed Christ the majority of my life. I called myself a Christian, yet I followed my own sinful path. I was a fan of Jesus. I “Praise the Lord” that he accepted my challenge and had the Holy Spirit fully engulf me. He opened my eyes to my numerous sins (pornography, anger, etc) and I fell to my knees in repentance. I asked forgiveness and through Jesus Christ, it was given. Each day is a struggle, but I now know I walk with Jesus; I am not a fan. I pray that you open your heart and look through the eyes of Jesus to see that male-to-male sex is one of the many sins listed in the Bible and ask for forgiveness, the strength to move forward, and find a follower of Christ not just someone that says they are a Christian to talk with about same-sex attraction.
In your letter to us, you wrote down several bible verses…
- Luke 6:37 – “Don’t judge others, and God will not judge you. Don’t condemn others, and you will not be condemned. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
- John 10:27-28 – My sheep listen to my voice. I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give my sheep eternal life. They will never die, and no one can take them out of my hand.
- Psalm 46:1 – God is our protection and source of strength. He is always ready to help us in times of trouble.
- Philippians 1:6 – I am sure that the good work God began in you will continue until he completes it on the day when Jesus Christ comes again.
- Romans 8:28 – We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. These are the people God chose, because that was his plan.
- 1 Corinthians 13:7 – Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.
To be honest, I don’t know the bible well enough to get into a philosophical debate over verses and what they may or may not mean. You quoted John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice.” I ask you, How do you know God’s Voice if you don’t read his WORD daily? I seldom read his WORD and it contributed to my SINs. There is a saying “out of sight, out of mind”. If you are not in the WORD everyday then the WORD is not in your mind. I am now working daily to correct this sin in my life. What I have learned so far is that you have to take the context of the entire Bible, the entire story, and not just one verse to understand what God wants to communicate to us through his words. You specifically mentioned Leviticus and that we don’t follow all the rules of the old testament like wearing clothing made of more than one material. I tell you you must take the message of the entire Bible. As I said before, this is what Satan wants from us. Some Bible verses are fairly clear and can possibly stand on their own but others, like Luke 6:37 and Matthew 7:1 are not. If you read the entire conversation it becomes clear that Jesus was not against judgement. He was against judging someone when you yourself are a sinner. I believe it is the church’s job to love sinners, but to remind them they are sinning, but only after the church has removed its own sin. All I ask is that you read the Bible and not just verses here and there. Let God speak to you through his WORD. I have been guilty of not reading His WORD and I’m trying hard to correct it. I believe the Bible is one of God’s treasures left here for us to discover. I supplicate that you will pray to God for clarity, read the entire Bible, and take it in its entirety, not just hand-picked verses that make you feel good about sinning.
I pray that you will visit https://www.watermark.org/statement and read the entire statement under the video, then watch the video. I can not say it any better than they did as to why all sins must be addressed by the church. In fact, it is one of the reasons that I agreed to join Vista. During the Discover the Vista class, they stated the same doctrine. They specifically said we need to love the LGBT person, but not support the sin or same-sex marriage. As a follower of Christ, I have come to believe that we are a nation and world in trouble as we have too many fans and non-believers choosing not to follow the word of God. We have too many people calling themselves Christians yet following their on lustful sins. I was one of those Christians. I pray that God gives me the strength to always remind myself and others of the grace and truth of our Savior, Jesus Christ and that saying you are a Christian means nothing today. Instead one should ask anyone that says they are a Christian; Are you a Follower of Christ? Do you read the Bible every day? Do you fellowship with others weekly in large and small groups? Do you support your local church? Do you serve? For me this has been a hard pill to swallow because I would have had to say I did none of those things yet I called myself a Christian.
You wrote in your letter that you believed male-to-male sex to be a sin. You have since told me that was a lie and that you believe male-to-male sex to not be a sin. I pray that you understand how I feel about male-to-male sex. I pray that you will consider not only reading the lyrics and verses below, but that you look up the verses and read the whole story. The verses below reveal God’s plan for humanity and his intentions for marriage and sexuality throughout the Bible. God is consistent. God cannot lie as lying is a sin. The words of the Bible are his truth to us and set the standards we should ALL LIVE by. One can not follow their own standards and follow Christ. I think this is one of the reasons the song “Hard Love by Needtobreathe” affects me so much. Here are the Lyrics.
Trading punches with the heart of darkness
Going to blows with your fear incarnate
Never gone until it’s stripped away
A part of you has gotta die today
In the morning you gon’ need an answer
Ain’t nobody gonna change the standard
It’s not enough to just feel the flame
You’ve gotta burn your old self away
Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You know the situation can’t be right
And all you ever do is fight
But there’s a reason that the road is long
It takes some time to make your courage strong
Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
When the wolves come and hunt me down
I will face them all and stand my ground
‘Cause there’s a fire burnin’ in me
They will see my strength in this love I found
Oh
Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
It’s a hard love, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love
Oh, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love
Oh, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love, it’s a hard love
Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
‘Cause it’s a hard love
For me it is a story of fighting Satan, my sins, and how following Jesus is difficult in this world, and as the song says it is a Hard Love. He expects all of me and “Ain’t nobody gonna change the standard” he gave to us in the form of the Bible. He expects all of you too, you are not going to change without a fallout, and if you follow his WORD it will make you stronger. Loving you while knowing you are living in sin is a hard love for me too.
God’s plan for humanity and his intentions for marriage and sexuality throughout the Bible are in the verses that follow.
James 4:12 – There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
Hebrews 13:1-5 – 1 Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. 2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. 3 Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. 4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
John 8:7-11 – 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Romans 1:26-28 – 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.
Jude 1:3-8 – 3 Dear friends, I had been eagerly planning to write to you about the salvation we all share. But now I find that I must write about something else, urging you to defend the faith that God has entrusted once for all time to his holy people. 4 I say this because some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ. 5 So I want to remind you, though you already know these things, that Jesus first rescued the nation of Israel from Egypt, but later he destroyed those who did not remain faithful. 6 And I remind you of the angels who did not stay within the limits of authority God gave them but left the place where they belonged. God has kept them securely chained in prisons of darkness, waiting for the great day of judgment. 7 And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment. 8 In the same way, these people—who claim authority from their dreams—live immoral lives, defy authority, and scoff at supernatural beings.
1 Timothy 1:8-11 – 8 We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. 9 We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11 that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.
Mark 10:6-9 – 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
1 Corinthians 7:2 – 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
Romans 13:8-10 – 8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 – 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Leviticus 18:22 – 22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.
1 Corinthians 6:17-20 – 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
Leviticus 20:13 – 13 “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
You should know by now I like idioms, so “The ball is in your Court”. If you have read this far, then I hope and pray you will want to continue by sitting down and having an open and honest discussion about how we move forward. Things we might want to discuss or how we relate to each other, how we support you, how we visit, who may or may not be included and under what terms, when (if ever) to argue about this, and above all, how to love each other and protect our love even as we differ.
If you decide that this is a subject that you are not going to change your mind about, and I do believe it is a CHOICE that you can make with God’s help, then I feel compelled to express a few more things to you in this letter in case I never get the chance to say them to you in person. I want to apologize for the countless sins I committed in your presence as you grew up and more importantly, the ones that I committed directly to you. I choose to put my selfish needs above my family. I put my career, TV/Movies, and my anger above all else. There were many times that I took my anger out on you. I was not always there for you when I should have been. Words cannot express my regrets and sorrows as to the un-Godly like way I treated you at times growing up. I called myself a Christian, but I was not a follower of Christ. It is why I no longer ask if someone is a Christian, I instead ask them do you follow Christ and what does that look like in your life? I pray that you can forgive me as God has and if you are willing to talk through the pain I have caused you I would cherish the time with you.
I did not demonstrate to you or Megan what a father and husband should look like if they are truly following Christ. Your mother is the most sacrificially giving person I know and I never treated her with the respect she deserves. I have a lot of work to build a relationship with her that I should have had since day one. As the leader of the family, it is 100% my fault that we never really got involved in a church. Instead, I had us all going in and out of ‘dead’ churches not really wanting to get to involved as I thought that would possible prohibit me from doing what I selfishly wanted to do and not what God wanted me to do. I rarely gave God much thought beyond those inconsistent visits to a church here or there; Afterall, I was a Christian. Before I met your mother, I sinned with numerous women and even after we were married I sinned by lusting after others, but never crossing the line of physical adultery. Sin always initially feels right to our flesh. I pray that God will heal her and the pain I caused her for years. I know that one day I will stand before God in judgment. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” No one knows exactly what that day will look like, but I like to think it might look something like this. Jesus will be there before me with a book of my life. That book will list everything I have ever done including every sin I have ever committed; however, since Jesus Christ died for my sins and I asked him for forgiveness for each one of them all my sins will have a line marked through them in my book; however, if I committed a sin such as those clearly described in Romans 1:21-32 I expect there may not be a line through them if I died before I acknowledged them as a sin and asked for forgiveness. I can not imagine what Jesus might say.
I pray that before the day comes when you find yourself standing before Jesus Christ, and he opens the book of your life that you have already asked for forgiveness of your sins. As my son, you will never know how much I truly love you. I would stand before God and ask him to punish me for your sins but God makes it clear each person must stand alone and face Him for their life CHOICES. Again I want to thank you for those word, “You are a Sinner too”, because without them I do not want to imagine what the rest of my life would have looked like or what that conversation with Jesus would have been like.
As I have been working on this letter and studying the Bible, the thing I have been struggling with the most is my testimony. I have come to the very sad conclusion that my true testimony starts on December 25th, 2017 at the age of 45 when I finally let the Holy Spirit completely fill me. Before then, I had asked Jesus into my heart, but I never really followed him nor did I ask him to forgive me of all the sins, mainly because I had decided I was not sinning. I called myself a Christian yet I choose to believe lusting after other women was not a SIN even though it is very clear in Matthew 5:28 “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” I had all my earthly reasons as to why my sins were okay. I fear you too have chosen a life of sin because of my example; however, you are an adult and you can make your own choices. You are choosing to say that male-to-male sex is not a sin. I pray that you turn to the Bible, not sinners and non-believers here on earth, to show you that male-to-male sex is a sin. It will also show you the other sins you may have in your life. For me, I am worse than the non-believer. I choose to ignore what the Bible said about sin even after asking Jesus to be my savior. I have called myself a Christian since Junior High School, mainly because I was raised in church, tried to be good in my own way, and thought all was okay with God. I was wrong. I pray that you let the holy spirit within you and not live as I did, choosing to sin because it was what I wanted.
Hey, I’m a Christian as long as that means I can do what I want to do and not really follow. I believe that way to many people today call themselves Christians but do not follow Christ. I have justified many of my sins by seeing Christians committing them and choosing to say that it must be okay if they too are doing them. What I did not consider is they too were living in the sins of the world and not following Christ. Thanks to technology, we now live in a world that has become all about me and what makes me feel good. I had swallowed this lie hook, line, and sinker. PRAISE THE LORD, that he can use the holy spirit to spit it out. Satan is currently winning the war when the Church and Christians begin to think sins outlined in the Bible are no longer sins.
As a part of trying to unravel my testimony, I discovered what is known as the “The Roman Road”. The Roman Road provides a detailed map for our salvation and eternal fellowship with God. Including that we must admit our sins, ask for forgiveness and redemption, and then follow Christ. Asking Jesus into your heart is not enough. It is the part I was never taught or just missed growing up.
Just follow these steps:
1. We must acknowledge God as the Creator of everything, accepting our humble position in God’s created order and purpose.
Romans 1:20-21 – For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.
2. We must realize that we are sinners and that we need forgiveness. None of us are worthy under God’s standards.
Romans 3:23 – “For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God.”
3. God gave us the way to be forgiven of our sins. He showed us His love by giving us the potential for life through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates His love toward us, in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
4. If we remain sinners, we will die. However, if we repent of our sins, and accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we will have eternal life.
Romans 6:23 – “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
5. Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead and you are saved.
Romans 10:9-10 – “’If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. “
6. There are no other religious formulas or rituals. Just call upon the name of the Lord and you will be saved!
Romans 10:13 – “for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
7. Determine in your heart to make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life today.
Romans 11:36 – For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
I believe every Christian should know this so they can help others come to Christ via this message and not gloss over the repentance part. I pray that you are not like me. That you did not get baptized and followed along with the church because that is what you thought others wanted to see or hear from you. If you did, it is not too late to follow the Roman Road to salvation, including asking for forgiveness of your sins including male-to-male sex and pornography.
It is no small challenge we are both facing, but I am up for it. And in so saying, I’m committing myself to preserving our relationship. A relationship that will have Jesus at the center of it. I promise you my respect and my affection, always. My beliefs and my love are both unchangeable, so take them both if you want to take me. My heart is both broken and full; my door is and will remain open to you; and my hope is steadfast. God, who loves you infinitely more than I or any human could or ever will, will continue to work in your life. I’ve committed you over to Him, and I am persuaded He will keep and redeem what is committed to Him. I will pray daily in the hopes that our eyes and hearts will be opened to the SINS we are committing in our lives so we can ask for forgiveness. In this, and in the love and bonds I hope we’ll always share, and the love of God, Jesus, and the holy spirit, I will find peace. If you find this is more than you can handle for now and your current life choices are more important to you than following Jesus, then please remember Luke 15:11-32. Jesus and I will always be waiting.
PS: A few times in my letter, I said I am not a fan or I am a follower of Christ. This is a statement from the book “not a fan”. I pray that you will read it or listen to it one day. The best way to heal or change the heart is by changing the mind. “not a fan” altered my mind which in turn transformed my heart to follow Jesus Christ. I pray it will do the same for you.
